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Not our services

I’m here to help you not hire me to do these things… but I know loads of people great at them.

Paid Search

Early in my career I had a choice between working in PPC or SEO.

There is not a day goes by that I don’t thank past me for picking SEO.

Spending all day stuck in Adwords/Google Ads/Whatever its called tweaking terms and editing bids is my idea of hell.

But I know loads of people who actively seem to enjoy it. They are strange, but they are also very very good.

Bid Optimisation

Making sure you spend the right amount. I think I heard they just stick it on auto bidding and go to the pub…

PPC Strategy


Performance Max

Cool name for taking your budget, lobbing it at Google and hoping for the best.

Google Display Network

Bill boards, but online.

PPC Audits

Hows it doing and how can it be improved. Depends on how lazy your agency is really…

Paid Social

Things I would rather do than run a Paid Social Campaign:

  • Cover my eyes in Jam before repeatedly headbutting a hornets nest.
  • Roll naked through a sea of nettles, before falling off a cliff into the field of an amorous Bull.
  • Instead of using water to make my morning coffee, use whatever sewage our delightful water companies have just pumped into our rivers.

Paid Social is a very valuable channel for most brands, but one I would really rather not run for you. Please. Not again…

Facebook Ads

There is not enough contempt in the world for the team that made that damn interface. I hate you all.

Instagram/Meta Ads

No. Stop. It’s the same damn thing.

Twitter Ads

Jesus you can buy ads here? Well who knew…

Tiktok Ads

I am old and nothing highlights this more than my fear of Tiktok. Great channel for the right brands but bloody terrifying to work with…

GA 4

Need help with the basics around Universal Analytics and tracking? Then I am your man. I know analytics like the back of my hand (Assuming google doesnt change it), whilst my Tag Manager skills are also pretty good.

But GA4 still terrifies me. Whilst I improve this situation throught training, reading and crying, I can put you in touch with experts who already have GA4 sorted.

(In my head, they are essentially wizards…)

Web Dev.

So you have gone through this website and genuinely think that I could help you with a web build?

Oh hunny…

Project Management

Me in a project manager role is like giving the same job to a Golden Retriever:

  • Neither of us would know how we got the job.
  • Neither of us know how to do the job.
  • But we would both give it a good go and bark occasionally.

Project management is a refined and structured skill set that I do not have, but I know people who do.


PR (and those that do it) is a massively underated channel, with those who are good at it, often exihbiting skills that those in more technical or strategical roles dont have.

I am one of those technical/strategic people.

But I know a growing number of excellent freelancer PR’s and PR Agencies who could help move you forward.


I spent a good part of my career working with Brand lead agencies.

Branding and Brand Management are very important parts of the marketing mix, but are well beyond my comprehension.


Whilst I am a powerpoint wizard and a bit of a clip are connoisseur, time should be taken to find the right designer before any marketing campaign.

A canva subscription doesnt make you a good designer.

Luckily, I know lots of great designers who specialise in everything from illustration through to 3D design and even games.

Not Put Off?